


St. Bridget's Day

by Lighikari



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Brigitte's day, Elliot'side, M/M, Missing Scene, Romance, Shonen-ai, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 14:45:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lighikari/pseuds/Lighikari
Summary: ENGLISH TRANSLATIONElliot and his servant meet up to celebrate the feast of Santa Bridget in which their feelings will transpire





	St. Bridget's Day

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [The Pathetic and Tragic Love Story Between the Crawled Angel Jon and the Blue-Winged Angel Brigitte](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/384068) by Leahia. 



> Elliot dreams of his soul mate, but he does not know his identity until ...

My awakening is due to a voice, a voice that I know well, that calls my name almost chanting, and with two hands that shake my shoulders, moving just in bed. Mugugno to leave me alone and I turn around, sinking my nose into the pillow and trying to get back to sleep. It was a beautiful dream what I was doing ... there was a river and some boats and the night sky, and I was on a boat with a person who did not know who he was, but I knew he was a wonderful person and that I 'I loved her. Then the fireworks broke out and I felt the evil hands of someone (who then know very well who it is) shaking me. I feel silence. Wow, I can not believe he has already surrendered. But why are you crying about why you gave up, if you gave up? I sigh satisfied and try to catch up with the remnants of my dream, when I feel something hit my back strongly.  
-Hey! - shriek, getting up suddenly and looking towards the evil one. The evil one looks at me from next to my bed, perfectly dressed and with a pillow in his hand. He has a smile painted on his invisible face, and I think the eyes behind his glasses and fringe are half open.  
-Oh, how nice, you woke up- dares to say, carrion, carrying the pillow on his bed next to mine. It takes me a few seconds to come up with an answer. The world is still surrounded by the wad of sleep, but that can not say such a thing and go unpunished.  
-Co ...? But if you hit me! - I say, moving the covers to grab the watch I keep on the bedside table. The light is there, so it does not have to be so early, but Leo knows I hate it, I hate waking up early. I do not want you to wake me up early. He shrugs, sitting next to me.  
\- It was a pillow. It does not hurt.  
-No, if he is standing where he must be- I mutter, looking at the clock that is already half past nine. Ok, it's not so early- If instead a poor innocent pillow is forced to beat someone, then it just does not do very well.  
-Oh, sure, the cushions will ruin the world- Leo blurts, pulling me up by force taking me by the wrist- Get up I'll make the bed.  
Reluctantly abandon the safe haven of my blankets and leave them in the careless and treacherous hands of my servant. As I change, it suddenly comes to my mind that not even Leo is such an early person, and it is strange that he awakens me of his own free will. Strange that I did not notice it before. Oh well, it's morning, I can forgive some oversights.  
-But what day is it? - I ask, hoping that this will give an answer to my question. Leo, who magically already finished making the bed and went to open the window overlooking the garden, smiles.  
"It's twenty-four October!" He says in reply. Ok, twenty-four October. I quickly scan my mental calendar, but the only important date nearby is Leo's birthday, and it's tomorrow, not today. So today what the hell is it because Leo is so happy?  
-But your birthday is tomorrow, right? - I observe, getting up and going out of the room with him to go to breakfast in the hall. Leo opens his mouth slightly, amazed.  
\- Ah, yes, it's true. Tomorrow I'm sixteen.  
So is not this the reason for the excitement? I'm confused.  
-Why then why are you happy? - I resign myself to asking, as we descend the long and majestic flight of stairs that leads to the Nightray's dining room. Think, Elliot, think. Why are you at home and not at school? The answer immediately arises in my mind, before Leo's lips pronounce it.  
\- It's Brigitte's day!  
-Oh ...- I answer. No, this party has never entered me in a clear way. I do not care, and I do not understand why Vanessa always takes me away from school when the twenty-four of October approaches. In short, I do not find a party with attractiveness. Contrary to Leo, one would say, since reached the bottom of the staircase he jumped (I swear, hop) towards the dining room. Leo who skips is an unmissable show, so I follow him, continuing to puzzle to understand the origin of so much joy. In the last two years we have not even been able to celebrate Brigitte's day, once for the mourning of Claude and Ernest and the first time because I was sick and could not go out. In short, it is the first year that we celebrate Brigitte Day together, and I do not really understand what's so wonderful about this party. I sit down at the table while Leo brings something to eat, then sit down next to me.  
"But why does this make you so happy?" I ask curiously, taking a sip of tea. Leo drinks from his own cup, as if pondering. Then he answers.  
\- See, at the orphanage this party liked children a lot. I was helping to make costumes for little girls, you know, the costumes with blue wings, and I had a lot of fun. And in the evening there were fireworks, which I like to go crazy!

I look at him, observing every detail of his huge and joyous smile. I must restrain myself from smiling, and I stifle my instincts with another sip of tea.  
-Mh- I limit myself to say- But I do not find it much. Let's say that the fires are beautiful at the end, but mostly it does not excite me ...  
Leo opens his eyes, as far as I can see, and is silent for a few seconds.  
-How can you not like it? Have you ever been in town for Brigitte day? - he asks me, genuinely surprised.  
-Not actually, but ...  
-So you can not say you do not like it! - Leo interrupts me, swallowing all the tea, now made warm, and getting up- Today we go to the city and you will love the day of Brigitte! I take it as a personal goal!  
-Ehm ... Leo ...- I try to say, alarmed by the absolute seriousness in his voice, but he interrupts me again.  
\- "Um" a damn thing! - he protests, going to get his coat. Going back, he throws mine, and I keep staring at him amazed by so much vehemence- It's my favorite party, and you have to know all the way to my favorite party! And then I do not conceive how you could have never been in town for Brigitte's day!  
I almost laugh at all this decision, but laughing would not be from me, and I decide to follow Leo. After all I'm curious to know this party. If he likes it, it will not be so bad, and in any case if I do not enjoy it there, and he will find a way to distract me. I do not even answer his, however more than understandable, statement about why he has never been in town, despite the answer is "Because I do not like being among the people and there are a lot of people in the city". I go to get a pen and paper and leave a sheet written, since surely my whole family is still sleeping. I write "I go out with Leo all day, I take a carriage. Enjoy yourselves. Elliot ". I abandon the paper on the table and I reach Leo outside the door, who is finishing to tie the pom-colored coat. What I gave him for his birthday last year. He is very well, known with a smile. It seems to have been sewn on him, from how he wraps his chest and waist and tight hips in such an elegant way, highlighting the fine and delicate features, and opens up letting see the legs bandaged in the pants. The pale neck is enhanced by the dark purple bow that catches the eyes. He would also have gloves, but I see them sticking out of his pocket. I know that Leo hates putting on his gloves. I put the coat on my shoulders, without putting on the sleeves, and wearing white gloves, and then mount the carriage, in which I sit in front of Leo, who seems absolutely elated.  
-Oh that's great! It's been a century since I've been in the capital for Brigitte day! "He says, shaking himself on the spot and looking out the window. I look out too, and already known from here the great turnout of people who converge in the center of Reveille. I sigh, preparing myself for many, many people around, but then I look at Leo's face, I see his eyes shine from behind the lenses, and I understand that I can only abandon myself to him for the rest of the day. After all, because I should not trust. Ok, I can think of endless reasons why I should not trust, but shh, we pretend nothing. We arrive shortly afterwards in the city and, when we descend, the first thing that Leo does is breathe in a lot of air, as if in the scent of the city there was the best thing in the world. Only that it breathes so deeply without pauses that it must cough a little for too much air. In spite of myself, I smile and go to his side.  
-Then? Did you find the answers for life with all that air? - I say ironically, putting a hand on my black sword, in its place in its sheath. It gives me security.  
"Oh, shut up," he replied, tapping my arm. I sigh, looking around. It's early, it's only half past ten, but already there are a lot of people around, all the women in bright clothes with blue wings on their backs. Yeah ... what was the story of Brigitte? I do not remember it anymore. Embarrassing.  
-Ehm ... Leo ...- I do, as we begin to walk among the people- But what was the story of Brigitte?  
Leo stops and turns slowly, as if it were mechanical. He stares so insistently that I turn around shouting "bruciooo!", But fortunately I hold his eyes, pointing to the fact that they are ten centimeters taller than him. After a long time, a lot of time, he speaks.  
-You.  
It just says this. I look at it, waiting for further explanations, which fortunately arrive.  
-Do not know. History. Brigitte? - question, putting your hands forward as if to defend against a monster.  
-Thing? No, I know, or at least I knew it. But I do not remember ...- I explain. Mh. It sounded less stupid in my head. Leo sighs resignedly, as if I were some sort of annoying pet, and starts walking again.  
The story of Brigitte tells of a beautiful blue-winged angel who comes down to Earth every twenty-four October to go to her lover. To ensure that the angel gets confused with people and can act undisturbed, all the girls wear blue wings on this day.  
-Oh, right- I say, remembering the old story. There was always something that did not come back to me in this story- I listen to Leo, as we continue to walk in the crowd, side by side- But have you ever wondered if this angel is really a girl? I mean, I hasten to say when I notice the confused expression of Leo- The name Brigitte was given to us by us. Maybe it's called ... Jon?  
This makes Leo laugh.  
\- An angel named Jon? Ok, I'm in. Jon! From today this party will be "Jon's Day"!  
I smile.  
-Yeah, and then also the males must put their blue wings to make the angel act undisturbed- I observe. Leo puts a forefinger on his chin thoughtfully.  
-Supposing that even that is a lie? Maybe in reality the angel Jon has ... hands clawed! - he finally says, raising his finger with a triumphant air.  
-Why no! - Replied- And must wear gloves to hide.  
-Mh-mh-Leo nods with the air of someone who knows everything perfectly- And so even now it is very confused in the crowd. Maybe ...- he continues, looking at my gloved hands. He shows me wincing fake- You are the clawed angel Jon!  
I smile. I would like to laugh but I can not, so I just smile and shake my head resigned.  
-There would have been a couple of situations in which you would have noticed that I have claws. Kind, but I mean to say, when I play the piano. And besides- I continue- I am there every day of every year. You know. I'm not the clawed angel Jon.  
-Mh- shrugs Leo- Ok.  
We continue to walk for a while, enjoying the cool and sparkling climate of the end of October and indicating gentlemen considering whether they can be the clawed angel Jon.  
-No, that's too bad-Leo says, after I pointed a boy on the other side of the road- Do you think an angel can be so bad?  
-In fact you're right- I grant, looking around for another victim- And that? - Asked Leo, pointing a distinguished young man on the twenty from our side of the road, brown, with dark green eyes and gloves, a look lost and dreamy.  
-Oh! - Leo says, sincerely surprised- He could!  
"According to me it's him, I'm convinced. Leo nods.  
-I go to ask him- announces, heading towards the man. I just have time to notice it and throw it by the arm, but it's too late.  
\- Excuse me - says Leo to the man, who turns - Is she the clawed angel Jon?  
The man's eyes are confused, but I drag Leo away, while I burn with embarrassment. Leo protests that his question was more than legitimate. More than legitimate, like not. What a fool! I drag him for a few meters and then push him in front of me, his cheeks still red ruby. Leo pulls me a slap and I moan, rubbing my head.  
"What was it?" I asked irritably. His blows are hurting. Leo snorts.  
"You do not have to shoot me that way. It hurts.  
-Oh, this was a panacea! - I reply, rubbing the back of the head - You can not ask random people if they are "the clawed angel Jon"!  
I look at Leo so annoyed that what he does upsets me completely. He smiles. He smiles as when I gave him Statice, he smiles as when he accepted to be my servant. A smile so huge and bright to drive you crazy.  
"We'll never see him again, much. What do we have to lose? - he says. That smile is so beautiful that I stay dazzled for a few seconds, before I can formulate a sensible sentence.  
-What if it was a suitor of Vanessa and we find him at the next dance? - I suppose. Leo sighs, starting to walk again.  
-Fai of everything is always such a huge problem ...- he replies mumbling.  
-Well- I reach him and walking beside him- If he were?  
-In that case, introduce me like a madman. I'm just your servant of the rest, right? - he does, knowing well to tease me. I blush and put my hands in my pockets.  
-Not that you're not just my servant-mumbled, so soft that I can barely hear myself. Yet against all odds, I think Leo heard me, because he smirks. The day runs smoothly, we drag each other to see things that seem more interesting, we stop a century or two in the library. Of course, why go to the library a day of celebration, you can ask. Why not ?, you can answer. In short, he and I have fun reading and commenting on the books we read, and also for the holidays the library is open longer. It will be a bit strange, but it is so. In short, Leo really manages to make me appreciate the day of Brigitte.  
"Hey," he says at one point. We left the library around eight o'clock in the evening, we had dinner with meat taken from a stall and now we are enjoying peacefully the scented evening of mid-autumn, sitting on a bench in a park.  
-Mh? - I answer just peeling eyes from the sky full of stars.  
"And if there were Brigitte too?" He says. I stiffen my shoulders for a moment, completely averting my eyes from the night, and I turn confused towards him.  
-How sorry?  
-Intendo- explains, bringing one leg on the bench, crossing it to the other- If in addition to the scanty angel Jon there really existed also the blue-winged angel Brigitte?  
-It could be- I concede, according to the game- But then it is not explained why they should come down to Earth.  
-To meet! They are the two lovers! - Leo is triumphant.  
-Eh, but it does not make sense - I reply - They are both angels. They can always see each other.  
-Yeah ...- Leo reflects, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling- Oh! - he says then, looking back at me smiling- Maybe in the place where they are can not be together, and can only on this day of the year, showing who they are really! For the rest of the year they act like two simple friends.  
I think a few seconds to the explanation he gave. Then I say, what the hell I think I do, so there is no blue-winged Brigitte, let alone a clawed Jon.  
-That pathetic story- comment, yawning and pulling out the pocket watch. It's ten o'clock in the evening. They are about to shoot the fireworks! I'm completely forgotten!  
\- And tragic - Leo replies to my comment. But I'm more or less ignoring it.  
-It's very late! - exclaim, getting up and losing Leo's balance, which fortunately reassembles in time. He gets up and follows me out of the park.  
"What's up?" He asks me as soon as he can reach me.  
-What is ...- I reply embarrassed. It's not easy to say, but I thought all day about a surprise I could do to Leo. There was nothing, however, that I liked, at first, but in the end I found it, the perfect gift. At the thought I blush- There's that I surprised you. Follow me.  
I see a smile flash on Leo's rosy lips as I lead him through all the people who crowd the streets, excited by the fireworks. I even seem to see Vessalius ... that is, the blond who had come to school at some point. Mh. It does not matter now. I have to run, otherwise we lose the beginning of the fires. Leo follows me out of breath. Of course, I go faster, having longer legs. I glance at the clock and swallow an oath. It's really late. I grab Leo's wrist, which makes a doubtful verse, then I start running. We reach the river bank that cuts Reveille just in time.  
-What ... what do we do here ...? - asks Leo, panting. I do not answer, but I'm looking for the man I need. I pay the fee, and I head towards a modest rowing boat nearby. I put my hands on my hips, satisfied. I turn around.  
-Here it is. He rests on the boat to Leo, pointing to the small boat floating on the dark river before us.  
-Eh? - asks still confused, mounting on the boat. I climb in my turn and begin to row up to a point of the river far from the center, dark and silent, a point just touched by the lights and noises of the city, a point where the blue of the sky and the white of the moon reigns and the wind noise.  
"Elliot," says Leo- "Exactly what do you want to do?  
-You told me that you love fireworks, do not you? - I explain, putting down the oars trusting the inexistent current of the river- I thought that from here it would have been more beautiful.  
I blush. I thank heaven because the darkness sufficiently covers my redness, but I also perceive without seeing that Leo is smiling. I hear him get up and come slowly from my side of the boat. He sits next to me and leans his head on my shoulder, abandoning himself. I blush even more, hoping in some corner of my brain that the boat does not suddenly fall over. But Leo is so thin that it probably counts as a breath of wind.  
-Thank you- murmurs. I feel that suddenly my heart beats at a decidedly unusual and disturbing speed, that my face is red beyond belief and that I have an absurd desire to hold Leo in my arms and make it disappear forever. My strange thoughts are interrupted by a whistle and a bang. I look up at the sky to see the lights of the first firework sparkle and crackle in the night air. Leo erects his torso and leans out. The second and third fire start in a burst, bombarding the dark sky with colored stars, provoking cries of joy from the children still in the city. And Leo, oh, Leo, I only see him when the light of a fire illuminates his face, coloring it yellow or red or blue, Leo is happy. I see him wide-eyed behind the glasses, I see him with a gaping smile on his lips, cheeks just flushed. It's so shocking. I caress his face in an instinctive and spontaneous gesture, and he turns around, happy, and that joy is now for me, it's all just for me. He throws his arms around me and hugs me, hiding his head in the crook of my neck, tickling me with dark hair.  
-Thank you, thank you, it's beautiful- she whispers. Spare the hug stroking his back.  
-But figured- I answer embarrassed. I do not want to melt the hug, but Leo loosens it, and supports his forehead to mine. It's so close, so close, so close ... The explosion of a huge firework makes us jump and we move away, to see an epic explosion of colors in the sky. Damn. Oh damn. What was that? Why did I feel that way, why did I really want to feel his lips on mine? Because? It should not happen, it should not absolutely. I try to breathe slowly, to bring my heartbeat to a permitted pace, not one that splits my chest trying to get out. I breathe deeply, and take another look at the pocket watch. It's already eleven o'clock, and it takes a half-hour to reach my house.  
\- Better if we go back home - I propose, re-grilling the oars.  
\- Yes, mh, better - Leo mumbles, sitting down in front of me with a low look. Remo until you reach the charterer again, to whom we return the boat. We cross the city without speaking, and reach the carriage still lost in our thoughts. Only then do I realize one thing: I'll be home almost at midnight and I've never seen my family today. I cut my teeth. Very good, they will have to pay Leo because I have not been with them. We mount in a carriage.  
-Whatever my sister says about the fact that we've been out too much, I'm making Leo's head stand up. It's all my fault.  
-No- is quick to contradict him-I was the one who dragged you here.  
-But I had fun- i repeat - And then they would make you pay, not me. Just do it.  
-It's okay- he grants, after having wavered a little. Sighs- About first ... sorry ... I ...  
-It does not matter- I interrupt him. Try talking again- No matter- I repeat. Closes the mouth. Well, because I'm confused, probably more confused than him. I liked what we were doing. I like being near Leo, I like to smell his scent, I like his eyes and his lips, especially when they smile, I like his hair when the early morning is more uncombed than usual, I like his laugh, I I like his hands that play the piano so well, I like to touch it, when I take a wrist or move my hair from in front of my face or inadvertently touch my hand when we play on the same keyboard. I like everything about Leo. I like Leo. I blush furiously at the thought and I lower my head, hiding it in my hands. Pathetic. Absolutely, undeniably pathetic. How can I try similar things? Should not it be impossible? No, apparently it is not. We reach my house earlier than expected, and I see a lot of carriages left in the big yard. I'm sure those carriages have never been in my backyard. I think I would have noticed, right? I cast a questioning look at Leo, who as usual understood everything and shrugs shaking his head. We descend from the carriage and, curious, we head to the entrance of the villa. When we enter, we meet in front of the huge party room decorated, and a lot of people busy dancing or talking.  
"A ball?" I say incredulously. There's a ball at my house tonight and I did not know it? Leo touches my arm and I look at him.  
"A ball?" He asks. I do not know what to say.  
"Apparently," I reply. At that moment I saw my sister making her way through the guests and reaching the door, standing before me and Leo with her hands on her hips and furrowed eyebrows. He would be really scared if he did not wear an infiocchetted black and blue dress, crowned with flaps behind his back and to stop the hair.  
-Elliot Nightray! - screams. I instinctively stooped, although I was perfectly able to face my sister - where you've been all day long! - she keeps shouting.  
-I've been in town-I answer, settling myself better- To celebrate Brigitte's day.  
Vanessa limits herself to weigh me with her eyes, then turns to Leo, who has not yet spoken. He points to accusation.  
\- It was you! - decides to his total and spontaneous initiative. Leo opens his mouth to respond, but I am mindful of the promise made.  
-Leo has nothing to do with it- I declare, pushing forward and pushing it back with my arm, as if to shield him with my own body from Vanessa's accusations. I look at her as she stands, defiant and mistress, straight and regal in front of me. She looks like a queen, so sure- It was just my idea, I took it with me- I continue, keeping my arm out to bar Leo's way, in case he came up with the unhealthy idea to argue. Vanessa looks at me, evidently undecided about what to say, then snorts.  
-The dance ends at midnight precise. "Have fun" - he says leaving, evidently citing the note I left that morning. I sigh, letting my arm fall. Leo comes back to me, and looks thoughtfully at my sister who is moving away from the colorful guests.  
"And if she were the clawed angel Jon?" He says doubtfully. It makes me laugh. To laugh loud, because what he said is really a completely stupid thing, but laughing would not be from me, so I give him a pat on the arm.  
-It's my sister, have a minimum of respect- I reply, as I move away from the crowd attacking me on the walls. Leo sighs, disappointed by my lack of reaction, perhaps, but I can not say well because he's actually smiling. He always has that smile that makes me want to throw a slap.  
-Where do you bring me now ? - Asked while following me attached to the walls.  
-On the balcony- I repeat- The fires are not finished yet.  
Leo opens his smile even more and I blush. Actually, yes, that's it, but also I want to get away from all that annoying crowd, and as a place of escape I can think of only the balcony. Not the big one, no, that of my room and that of Leo from the courtyard. Vanessa will not dare bring people into our room, I hope. Fortunately we reach the room safely and is empty, exactly as we left it in the morning when we left. It seems a century ago ... We open the doors and go out on the balcony. The cool night air hits me, caresses my skin and penetrates my clothes. I go out, almost called from the night, and I get lost again in the sight of the starry sky, moonless, illuminated by all the colored fireworks that shine on the near Reveille. I sigh, leaning against the stone railing of the balcony and continuing to look at the sky. I feel as soon as Leo approaches me and puts his hands on my shoulders with an ethereal delicacy, like snowflakes resting on the flowers. I shudder at the contact, although it is far from unpleasant.  
-Thanks for today- I say, continuing to look at the sky. I feel Leo's hands twisting on my back.  
\- Do not worry, thanks to you.  
I take a deep breath, inhaling the night air and a light scent ... an indefinable but strangely good scent. When I deduce that the scent comes from Leo, who continues to caress my back, I would like to throw myself from the balcony. I can not! I can not, I can not and I can not! I pull the air out with a sighing sigh, and I think that Leo has noticed that something is wrong, because he stops suddenly and goes next to me, stretching to look at my face, the dark hair that caresses me Skin.  
"What's wrong? Have you some problem?" He asks.  
\- Well ... yes, but small ...-. Leo smiles and comes back behind me, patting me on the shoulder that makes me turn. He takes off his glasses and I am already speechless, but then, just to confuse me a bit 'more, as if I were not doing enough alone, stretches out his hands.  
-Let's Dance?  
I stare at him incredulously. Let's Dance? Are you kidding? How ... how do you dance in this situation? And besides, how can I dance with my servant? No, I can not. I can not, damn it, but I really want to do it. Leo seems to read in my eyes all these questions and this confusion, and it probably is. He always said that I'm transparent like glass. He approaches me and takes my hands, bringing them with extreme slowness on his side, while he continues to hold the other. He puts his other hand on my shoulder.  
"Everything's fine," he says, in a voice so sweet and so kind that it's a miracle if I do not turn into water right away. "It's just me here, and some music. You bring.  
I do not know what it takes me, but I can feel the slight music from the salon, where probably the dance is about to end. Who knows what time it is. I can not help thinking, to distract myself while I'm dancing with Leo. He is next to me, and he lets himself be led as if he were a doll, with those dark eyes peeping out from behind his frizzy fringe, infinite and inscrutable wells. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful that I would lose myself in life. I could spend my whole existence like that, in an indefinite moment of the night, while I dance with Leo in a deserted balcony to the imperceptible sound of a waltz, the stars and the fires that watch over us and the lights of the city. Her scent is so intoxicating when I close her, that I risk sinking her nose into her hair and breathing her essence completely. I swallow, and Leo looks at me with a smile, as he spins back on himself. The charm that came to be created is interrupted by an abrupt voice on the ground floor, which makes us stop dancing.  
-It's midnight! - says the voice, that I recognize being my sister- Everyone at home brings bad luck!  
Some laugh, and everyone comes out, we see him from the courtyard. I look back to Leo, who has not moved his hands a millimeter.  
\- Happy birthday - I wish him. Leo smiles, and I have to do something, I can not stand there looking at him while he shines only for me, for me who is nobody. My heart beats indecently in my chest as I bend over. I stand staring into his eyes, to separate a few millimeters of dull air, and feel the incredible warmth coming from my cheeks, probably fire-colored. I close my lips and place them on his cheek, closing my eyes and breathing his scent, his essence. I am going crazy. I slowly go down with my lips all over my cheek, leaving light kisses, and then on my neck, and then I go back to my face and take it in my hands. He has his eyes closed. I Place with all the delicacies of the world a kiss on the right eye and one on the left eye, feeling his long eyelashes tickle my lips, which I then rest on his forehead, for a long time. Yes, I must be red in an inconceivable way. I go back to my height, and I have that crazy desire to throw myself from the railing again, but then Leo, with a dreamy look and completely estranged from the world around him, reaches out and strokes my cheek. But I see not only dream, in violet irises. I also see suffering, torment, and something even stronger, overwhelming. I know what it's like. I know because I also feel it.  
-Elliot ...- murmurs- I ...  
-No interrupt him, moving away and immediately feeling the lack- No, do not make things even more difficult-continuous exasperated. I know I did everything myself. But I did not do it on purpose. I want to kick something. It's all so damn hard! I love him, yes, damn it, I love him. And he knows it. And I know, now, that he loves me. Yet no, we can not do anything. It's not right. I grab his shoulders, then move a lock of hair from before my eyes.  
-Believe me , i would, forced, tight-lipped to keep me from acting on impulse- I would like ... I would like many things ...

"But we can not," he concluded abruptly. He enters the room, and tells me it's time for us to get ready to sleep. I sigh, doing what he said. I would like to cry, among the many things I would like, I would like to cry like any other child, I would like to be able to love Leo without feeling impure and wrong, without being afraid. I wish, I would like to. What a stupid word. It only serves to accentuate the shortcomings, as if making fun of "You would ... but you just want. You can not". I would like the same Leo who is sitting on the bed to be with me, hug me, caress me. I slip under the covers, stifling what everyone calls "perverse instincts" under the heavy blankets, turned away from Leo's bed, without even wishing him goodnight as I have done every night for two years. I would like to sleep. I would like to wake up and find out that Brigitte's day has yet to be there and that Leo hates this party. I would wake up next to Leo, to hug him. I would like to. I would like to. It will torment me forever, I think. But then I feel a hand shake my back. I turn back, sleepy, and meet Leo's face, who has sat on my bed and avoids my gaze, preferring to look at the blankets. What are you doing here?  
-I can ... can I sleep with you? - he asks me. I feel my heart mount in my throat and try to escape from my mouth, which I hold closed just to not let it out. For what holy reason in the high skies now wants to sleep with me ?! Is not that already bad enough? Do you still try me ?!  
-Do not ... do not take it badly ...- he continues, realizing he was dry- At school we always sleep together, and it's cold tonight. And then it's my birthday - the last sentence is a bumpy grumble. It makes me smile, because I know that Leo hates to leverage these things to get favors. I know it's true that at school we sleep together, because Leo decided that his was not a bed, but a bookcase with a mattress, so after just two months from the start of school it always ends that we both sleep in my bed. Part of me would like to answer that at school we do not do what we have, indeed, to the truth that I did tonight, but the other says that he is right, and it makes me more comfortable to listen to the second, at least from the point of view of personal satisfaction. I raise the covers and Leo settles down with a satisfied moan, evidently taking advantage of my heat transmitted to the fabric. He sighs and gives me his back.  
"Goodnight," he tells me in a whisper. No, he does not give me his back like that after I let him in my bed! I approach him and I cling my chest to his back. Of course, I also really enjoy complicating things, eh? I slowly slide my fingers over her hips and chest, allowing myself to smell her hair. They are wonderful as I thought, even more. It's all wonderful.  
-You Leo ...- I mumble- I was thinking back to Jon and Brigitte ... after all they are not pathetic ...  
I clearly hear Leo giggle as he turns and looks at me.  
\- But tragic yes.  
-Yes, tragic yes- I grant, smiling. Leo puts his hand on my chest and opens his fingers. Then he approaches me and crouches against my chest, while I instinctively wrap his shoulders with one arm, bringing him even closer. In the drowsiness, that moment of confusion, I think back to the dream I had tonight, and suddenly I feel like a real idiot for not recognizing the person on the boat. A real idiot. How did I not understand it? It was so ... so obvious! I look at Leo, hugging me in this oversized bed for one person. "I love you", I would like to say. But the phrase that comes out of my lips is different, yet it clasps to itself as many things as the other.  
-In the bottom is not bad, the day of Brigitte.


End file.
